Ever have that dream where everything seems to be going wrong? Where by the end people are laughing at you and you run crying from the room?
I had one of those today, only I didn't wake up to find it was only a dream, because it wasn't a dream.
We received back our first papers in my Crusades course today. I'm always nervous over the first paper back from any Professor, and I'm sure many others are as well. Well, let me back up. We had they 'why everyone did poorly' talk for a half-hour then at the end of class actually got our papers.
Though saying that isn't very fair to our Professor, who really was trying to help us and I knew that. I knew that. I knew that I probably did fine, first papers are always the lowest grade. The Professor only wanted us to understand why, when we received our papers, we had the grades we did. I knew the reason we didn't get them back until the end was so we would pay attention and not be looking at our papers.
Knowing all this didn't keep my nerves to act up more than a Victorian woman with a tendency to faint. My hands were shaking, my entire body felt ready to burst, and I wanted to just beg for my paper back. At one point I fled the room for a few minutes just to try to get myself back together. Finally almost at the end I asked if I could just please have my paper back because I was freaking out, and people started laughing. It might have been only one or two, and from what my Professor told me in email the guy thought I was being funny, but it felt like the whole room was laughing at me. I freaked out more, said something and ran from the room so fast the door slammed into the wall. Luckily I very nice (and kick ass) English woman from one of my other classes was out in a alcove studying, she calmed me down and got me to look at my grade (b+), and generally saved me from going into the bathroom to cry.
I'm horrible embarrassed by my behavior, and I've already apologized to the Professor (who is wonderful and email me first to make sure I was okay) in email for my behavior which was immature and distributive. I will go to class Monday. My question is do I apologize to my classmates for being distributive? And do I have any business thinking I can be a Professor one day when I can handle something like this?
You are a Social Justice Crusader, also known as a rights activist. You believe in equality, fairness, and preventing neo-Confederate conservative troglodytes from rolling back fifty years of civil rights gains.
I just realized what's been bugging me about this semester. I don't have a single English Class. No Chaucer, no Shakespeare, nadda. No wonder I'm reading everything I can get my hands on and doing Latin exercises like it is going out of style.
This also comes to the heart of my ongoing History or English grad school debate. Which way do I go? I love them both when it comes to the Middle Ages (and I adored my Shakespeare class but I think that's my love of theatre in part).
I need to sit down write up a long post about this if only to try and work some more things through in my head. I also need to sit down with our fab new Medievalist and ask her some advise, not to mention talk to the Medievalists in the English deparment as well.
I don't have much to say on academic life at the moment. Though I'm sure I'll find something to talk about.
My brain is still in summer mode. It's almost Oct and my brain refuses to believe that summer is over.
I do know at least that I will be bringing my Wii to Kalamazoo this year, and just thinking about how in the world I'm going to travel will all this tech is already worrying me slightly. But I'll cross that bridge when I get there/
I also know that I'm adoring Latin, it's my favorite class right now. Which makes me feel slightly guilty due to the fact the Crusading class should be my favorite. I think it must be the translating. Something about translating gives me a little thrill.