Wednesday, July 26, 2006

"And you didn't say no..."

Edit: For some reason the last part of the post was originally cut off, I've now fixed it.

Today I received an email on my lunch break that I'm not sure how to deal with.

A few of you might know my history with my step-father and that he has done a few inappropriate things since he started dating my mother (almost four years ago) such as (when I was living at home) standing just out side my bedroom door or walking into my bathroom while I was showering. Along with unwelcome back rubs which he says I must have enjoyed as much as him because I never said no (and I'd like to know since when back rubs entail touching a girls breasts). Let us not even go into the lacy nightgown he thought was a nice birthday present three years ago. About a month ago I caught him naked in my condo and I made my displeasure very well known.

So, today he sends me a email 'apologizing' where he pretty much blames his behavior on me. I used to walk about with too few clothes on, or saying I've bent over on purpose in front of him with no panties on (which I have never done, I don't even sleep without underwear on). He has this whole list of stuff that pretty much reads like 'you were asking for it'. He even has told me that he can't seem my bra without picturing me in it.

Fuck, he should have just written 'hey you little hussy it your fault that I see you sexually'. For gods sake he's my step-father and I treated him as such. When I lived at home I had every right to walk downstairs at midnight and expect not to see a naked man, or have to worry about whether my nightshirt was too short. You're a older male with in a position of authority. You're my step father. You should know better. I shouldn't have to tell you to get your hands off me.

Fuck. Fuck. Fuck. Fuck.

I don't even know what to do about this. Email my mom and possible ruin her marriage? I don't want to be in this position.

I don't need this stress. I don't need this.

My hands were shaking and I had three more hours with small children.

It is three-four hours later and I've had a chance to become pissed off. Calmer, but pissed off.

I've written an email to him where I've said exactly what I think of his 'shifting the blame' and the other bullshit, but I also wrote that I he was lucky I didn't foward it to my mother. I haven't sent the email yet.

I honsently need some good advice. The people I normally go to are my mother and grandmother.

I have the urge to change my locks.

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