Thursday, July 27, 2006

Why blaming the victim often works

First off, thank you everyone for your support. It might be silly but it has made writing the letter to my mother a bit easier.

I also realized something as I struggled with my fear of telling my mother. He has done exactly what experts say a victimizer will do to the victim. He made me afraid.

Not of him but of talking.

I'm a twenty five year old woman, a homeowner, a teacher, and someone who had no problem telling a stalker where to get off and I'm terrified that my mother will read his email/talk to him and decided that I led her husband on. Why on earth should I feel this way?

I certainly haven't done anything wrong. I know I didn't lead him on. I know I didn't give off signals. And it isn't like I haven't made my mother aware of past incidents. She knows about him walking in on me and some of the other incidents. She'd confronted him, made him get counseling. I later moved out and he seemed to be better. Sorry even.

I shouldn't be scared of telling her about this, but I am.

It's very easy to say, "why didn't she just tell her mother" when watching something on CourtTv. It's easy to wondering "why didn't she just say no". Or "I wouldn't have let that happen".

We never think those things if the victim is a child. No one ever says about a five year old molested by anyone that they were leading the person on (expect maybe the molester). So why is it that when a teenager or a young adult is put in the same situations blaming the victim seems to be almost a kneejerk reaction? So much so that victims blame themselves with no outside influence.

"You should have worn that." "You were asking for it." "You gave you signals." "I'm impulsive, you should have said no." "You didn't make me stop, you must have liked it."

No woman should ever have to hear those words for anyone.

I'm not sure if any of this makes much sense but it helps to put it in writing. Is it time for Ka'zoo yet? I need the distraction.

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