Sunday, April 16, 2006

I'll sit this dance out

Since it is Easter, it is also Geek calls her father day. Every holiday we have a dance we do and it's not set to music. Unless you count the imperial march.

I called him, and as expected he did not pick up. I left a message and I will email him later. If he follows his usual MO he will not call me back. Sometime in the next week I'll receive a email from him.

This email will contain him asking why I didn't call him a second time. Most likely he will mention my lack of degree. There is a 50-50 chance he will ask me if I have a 'real job yet'.

If I'm truly lucky he'll compare me to my brother and complain how I never call him.

We do this dance every holiday. I'm tired of the dance, in fact I'm ready to throw in the towel.

This makes me angry more than I can put into words. I love my father. He's not my biological father but for most of my life he was my dad.

I want a relationship with him, a good relationship with him. Visits with him leave me stressed, frustrated, and exhausted. I'll have a least one mini-breakdown per visit.

It has to stop, but other than cutting him out of my life I have no clue how.

I miss my daddy.

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